


Laundry Stalkers

by fanwit



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, stalking played for laughs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 15:20:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18478936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanwit/pseuds/fanwit
Summary: Alastor gets into an argument with a stalker and they’re most definitely not following the same person. Nope. Alastor isn’t a stalker, no way.





	Laundry Stalkers

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo if you somehow missed my multiple warnings about stalking in this fic... Here's another warning!  
> Also hit me up on [tumblr!](http://fanwit.tumblr.com)

This would be the last time, Alastor was making sure of it. He makes his way rapidly towards the corner of the laundry room. There's a familiar black lurking there and Alastor steps in front of him. 

"You," Alastor growls. The man blinks slowly up at him. 

"Ah, you're the stalker." 

" _Me_?" Alastor glares at the pale man. The man's lips stretch into a smirk. "You're the stalker!" 

"So it's a coincidence I saw you at the grocery store, the cafe and the pet shop?" 

"That just proves you were stalking!" Alastor brings up a hand to point menacingly and the man flinches. "Stalking is illegal, y'know." 

"And what about you?" The man drawls, regaining his smug expression. "I believe I overheard Arthur talking about a certain scarred man following him." 

Arthur was talking about him? Alastor's momentarily touched. 

"He could press charges against you," the man continues. "Easy case. No offense but you don't exactly blend in." 

"Neither do you!" Alastor huffs. "He's talked about you as well, creepy man in all black lurking in every corner he looks!" 

There's a flash of admiration that crosses the man's face but he glares at Alastor. "You're a lot worse off than I am if Arthur calls the police." 

There's a clearing of throat and they both glance over. It's a woman with a basketful of clothes. 

"You're blocking the last available washer," she says. "Go have your row somewhere else." 

They reluctantly move to the middle of the laundry room. Alastor looks around and quickly locates Arthur. He's loading up a dryer. Okay, they have some time before they have to leave to follow Arthur. No, they're not following Arthur. To casually find him again, _alone_. Without the man. 

"Stop following him, I'm the only one who can," the man hisses. Alastor turns to stare at him. 

"I was doing this before you!" 

"There's the creep factor!" 

They fall silent and look around to make sure they weren't too loud. Nobody is looking at them. Arthur's leaning boredly against a wall, looking in the direction of his dryer. 

Alastor turns back to the man. He leans forward and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Listen, I know his type and it isn't you." The man shoves Alastor’s hand off. 

"You're not it either." The man scowls up at Alastor. There's determination in his eyes and why was it that Arthur always attracted the stubborn ones? Alastor sighs. A dryer beeps and the man looks over. 

His face goes from annoyed to worried. "Wait, where did he go?" 

Alastor looks over and Arthur is no longer at the wall. They look back at each other then hurry to the exit of the laundry room. 

To Alastor's left, a voice says, "there we go, thought you'd be out soon." He looks over and it's Arthur leaning against the wall next to the doorway. Alastor's positive both the man and he has the same expression right now. "Alastor Moody and Severus Snape, lovely to finally talk to you two." Yup, definitely the same expression. 

"O-oh," Snape says. "Oh, you see, I just moved here and-" 

"You've lived here for five years." 

"Have I?" Snape sounds horrified. 

Arthur sighs. "So any particular reason why you were following me for several months?" 

Alastor shifts and looks uncertainly at Snape then Arthur. "Is that question for him or me?" 

"Both. Who's going first?" 

"Listen, it was just a coincidence," Alastor begins. "I mean, I used to work at your job, it's perfectly reasonable for me to drop by every now and then." 

"And how exactly do you know where I work?" Arthur says dryly. "You've never actually met me, you don't have any reason to remember me." 

That was actually true. Arthur wasn't the memorable sort. Alastor looks down at Arthur's shoes. 

"As for me," Snape says in a ‘I'm better than you right now' voice that's entirely directed at Alastor, "I thought you were funny and that I might've had a chance at a date." 

Jesus Christ, wasn't Snape pathetic? Alastor scoffs and looks up. Arthur actually looks touched. He looks down with a small smile. 

"You're seriously buying this?" Alastor asks incredulously. Arthur looks up, startled, and blinks slowly. "God, he just wants to rob you or something." 

Snape gasps. "And what about you?" 

"Certainly not for the same reasons as you!" Okay, it was totally for the same reason except Alastor had thought Arthur looked like the sort who'd hold him comfortingly after a nightmare. But he does not want to be the same as _this_ man, this man who used to be a criminal. Well, he doesn't know that for sure but he's positive Snape had been. Alastor scowls at Arthur then Snape who stepped into his view. 

"Oh my God, it _is_!" Snape laughs. "That's the most path-" 

"Now, now, don't be rude," Arthur chides and Snape closes his mouth. Snape was rather rude, in Alastor’s opinion. One shouldn’t call others pathetic. 

"It isn't, I haven't even heard Arthur be funny!" Alastor protests. Arthur lets out a small giggle at that. 

"Okay, okay," Arthur says, progressively getting quieter. "This is a surefire way to get me killed," he mutters and Alastor frowns at Snape. Arthur reaches into his pocket and pulls out a notepad. _He uses that to write down anything he might forget,_ Alastor's mind supplies. Alastor fidgets as he watches Arthur write something. Arthur tears the paper out, puts away the pad, then tears the paper in half. He holds it out to them. 

Snape is the first to reach out slowly. He squints at the paper then back at Arthur. His eyes are wide. Alastor takes the second strip. It's a series of numbers. 

"Is this your number?" Snape says in an awed voice. This isn't safe at all, Arthur should not be doing this. Not for a man like Snape! 

"Be free this Saturday." Arthur straightens up. "I'll text you the details." 

Alastor finds his voice. "Wait, is he seriously coming with us?" 

"Both or none," Arthur says firmly. 

Snape nods wildly. "Both!" 

Maybe Arthur would come to his senses later and dump Snape. Alastor shrugs. "Both, I suppose." There's a glint in Snape's eyes and Alastor is sure they're both thinking the same thing. 

"Right, see you then." Arthur steps past the two and into the laundry room. He stops in the doorway. He looks back at the two and Alastor looks at him hopefully. Did he change his mind about Snape?  "Oh, and stop following me." Arthur disappears out of sight. 


End file.
